i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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