i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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