I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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