I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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