Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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