Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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