I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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