Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
