I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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