I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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