Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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