Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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