please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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