I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
