This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
