Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
