your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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