You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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