There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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