i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
