I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
