The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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