if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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