I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
