separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
