Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize