If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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