dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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