Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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