arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
