Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
