i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
