I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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