just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
