if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
