DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
