i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
