3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
