just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You took a bar mat shot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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