May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
