while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
