I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
