he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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