Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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