I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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