i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
