he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
