I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
