captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
