By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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