I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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