Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
