so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
