I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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