I could make wine with my vomit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
