new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
