Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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