So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
