Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
