Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize