Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I met the friendliest cop last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
