the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
