If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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