also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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