you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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