Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
