She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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