I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
