i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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