Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
