I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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